WORDS: Stacey Lee, FIVEaa
Loneliness isn’t something I ever thought I’d encounter. I’m not sure any of us ever do. I like my own time, I’m very comfortable in my own company and I often choose to be ‘lonely’ on a long walk or sitting at a café on my own on my day off. But that’s not ‘loneliness’ really, is it? I’m a married woman, with an extremely cute, but overly clingy, dog – Murray. How could I ever be lonely?
Ben, my husband, is overseas for three weeks to celebrate a friend’s wedding (lucky him!) and we had family in the lead-up to the trip asking, “how will you cope without each other?” I know it was coming from a good place, but I couldn’t help but get defensive whenever they did ask. I’d brush it off and respond with something quite dismissive, “We’ll be fine, we’re adults, it’s only a few weeks.”
And that’s still true, but I was somewhat surprised at how I’m feeling about it now. The first few days were actually quite fun. I caught up with a friend for a drink after work, I ate cheese and crackers for dinner because I could, I went to that early gym class because I didn’t have to worry about the earlier alarm waking someone else up. I felt like I was in my 20s again living the (sort of) single life.
Recent statistics from Uniting Communities show 66% of South Aussies have reported experiencing loneliness. And we’re also reporting our highest rates of loneliness since March 2020. I was shocked at that last one. We’re more lonely now than we were during the pandemic. When we were forced to be locked up. Surely not!?
But that feeling of freedom quickly shifted to boredom. No one to debrief with, no one to cheekily tell me I can have that extra piece of chocolate on the couch – I deserve it, and no one to pick up the dog poo from the backyard.
Then I went to buy the groceries, albeit a much quicker trip and shorter list, and I got to the register and saw the self-serve. I barely ever use them unless I’m just stopping in quickly to buy one thing (usually the aforementioned chocolate bar), but this time felt different. I REALLY didn’t want to serve myself, not because it’s a headache and I never pack the bag right… but because I wanted to talk to someone. A human.
I’ve never experienced that feeling before, and I’m lucky to be able to say that. But the more I investigated, the more I realised I’m not alone. Recent statistics from Uniting Communities show 66% of South Aussies have reported experiencing loneliness. And we’re also reporting our highest rates of loneliness since March 2020. I was shocked at that last one. We’re more lonely now than we were during the pandemic. When we were forced to be locked up. Surely not!?
Thankfully, Uniting says there are things we can do; join a group activity, use public transport and help to raise awareness about loneliness. So instead of heading to the gym to (poorly) pump iron on my own I’ve now joined a local group fitness class and I hope by writing this I can help raise some awareness. In a strange, and somewhat twisted, way it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone in feeling lonely.
10 things to do if you’re feeling lonely
It’s possible to feel lonely even when you’re surrounded by others. If you’re tired of feeling this way and want to make some connections, try taking some of these steps.
- Break the ice with small talk – Start by chatting with the checkout person at the supermarket or sending a text to a friend. It might feel awkward at first, but these small interactions can help you feel more comfortable.
- Connect with like-minded people – Join clubs or groups that match your interests, whether it’s art, music, or books. Check out local community centres to find people who enjoy similar activities.
- Stay active – Exercise is not only good for your health but also a great way to meet new people. Look for beginner-friendly exercise groups or social sports leagues in your area.
- Say yes to new experiences – Challenge yourself to say yes to opportunities to hang out, even if you’re feeling hesitant. You might find yourself enjoying things more than you expected.
- Enjoy your own company – Spending time alone can be valuable too. Grab a good book or relax with a favourite podcast or music.
- Accept your feelings – Allow yourself to experience loneliness without judgement. Validate your emotions and practice self-compassion.
- Write it out – Expressing your feelings through writing can help you process emotions and gain clarity. Consider journaling or using a journaling app.
- Spend time with animals – Animals can provide companionship and reduce feelings of loneliness. Offer to walk a neighbour’s dog or visit a friend’s cat.
- Volunteer – Volunteering connects you with your community and gives you a sense of purpose. Explore opportunities on websites like govolunteer.com.au.
- Seek professional help if needed – If you’re still struggling with loneliness, don’t hesitate to seek support from a GP or counsellor. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help.
Stacey Lee hosts FIVEaa Afternoons, 1:30-4pm Weekdays on FIVEaa
